George has a solution

2011-05-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

Cardboard City Art show

2010-06-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

It has been a very, veeeery long time. Actually it has been a year since I last wrote in this blog. Shameful really... not only do I have to deal with a torn conscience caused by the fact that I can't find a solution to the problems of pigeons... but I also live in fear of a good flogging by one of my followers, Maple Syrup, who checks this page everyday for a new entry. It is partly my fault since I did end my last entry by "Come back tomorrow for a new solution", hoping people wouldn't take it too literally. Maple Syrup has been "coming back tomorrow" every day now for a year...

But let's not dwell on all these things we said we'll do and never did... I am back now and for good, very good reasons. I wish to invite you all to my show:

The Show is at:

Acquire Arts Gallery,

155 Battersea Park Road,

SW8 4BU

Friday 25th to Sunday 27th of June 2010.

All are welcome. I look forward to seeing you there. And you can take that literally.

2009-03-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello, hello. How are you all? Well I have just moved back to London., and I'll tell you one thing: there are serious problems here. They are just coming up to me, every day, smacking me on the face. I can't even count them. It's too much! It does me head in. Problems!

One problem is: pigeons. I don't understand the point of pigeons. Birds in general are a bit scary. I don't know what to expect from them when they hover about the sky like they do. But Pigeons! Not only are they scary, they are also nasty, dumb and mean. I'll come up with a solution. Oh! And I'll also come up with a solution for the problem of pollution, that seems so be a problem here too. So, come back tomorrow and see when I kill two birds with a big fat stone.

2009-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

Now here is a problem:

Yes, that's right, the suit. Why, I ask, have we settled for the suit (trousers, shirt, jaket and tie) as being today's international formal wear? This issue, I know, is quite similar to the one about ties, yet it requires another solution.

Through the centuries the formal dress has taken on different forms in Europe. Take for example the Greek chlamys:

the medieval costume complete with Florentin hose, pointy hood and poulaine shoes :

and the baroque ensemble à la Louis XIV:

Can you notice the variety in styles? Are you impressed by the eclectic mix of coulours and fabric? I am. And that is why I don't understand why we have, for over a century now, chosen to stick to the basic straight-cut-trousers-shirt-jacket-and-tie suit. And it frustrates me because there are so many different contemporary dresses to choose from. For example the African boubou, the Indian Kurta Paijama or the beautiful Barong Tagalog from the Filipines. But no! The SUIT is the lingua franca of the formal wear!

Fine...Let's not get our paned trunk hose in a knot. I've come up with some solutions. Please have a look at my latest designs, which are inspired by popular fashion:

The manager's suit:

Signs

2009-01-25T13:17:00.000-08:00

Signs are a funny thing, they are. Last time I posted an image of a curious one found in elevators in Sweden. At second thought I don't think it had any thing to do with ties. I still don't know what it means, so if you know its significance, please inform me.

Signs can be confusing. For example, my friend told me this one meant: "Careful! Heavy umbrella!"

Well it doesn't mean that. It means Men at work. It's confusing so I suggest a better sign. An international one:

Men at work

2008-12-31T06:09:00.000-08:00

Now here is a problem: Neckties

I don't actually need to wear them too often so neckties aren't much of a problem for me. In fact I quite like them, I find them pretty. Nevertheless on behalf of all the perplexed souls out there who wonder why it is necessary to walk around with a piece of fabric knotted (in the most complicated manner) around their neck, even though it might be 32°C outside, I will come up with a solution.

But first some history. Who came up with the idea of neckties?

You will not be surprised to know that the origin of the necktie as we know it today can be traced back to the French.

...although they stole the idea from the croatians. In 1620, during the Thirty Years War, Croatian mercenaries fought in the French services and one way of spotting them was to look for their typical neck tie. The French quite fancied those silky scarves and started copying them. It wasn't long till a huge fashion craze started. Shortly after, every Parisian and his/her puddle dog was pansying down the street in this attire.

Through the years the necktie has taken on various forms: bandanas, scarves... and today the necktie has become the key element of any formal wear. That's the history of the necktie in a nutshell. And for all you necktie haters out there who are reading this blog I want to add this comforting piece of information: you are not alone in hating ties. There are actually some real anti-necktie movements. Google it; you might be able to join. Among other things these associations argue is that there are many health risks with neckties. Personaly I can think of quite a few. For example; a tie caught in the door of an elevator. I am sure that it is what happened to this poor man.

This is a sign found in elevators in Sweden. I am not sure what the message is, but it is very likely that it warns us of one of the hazards of wearing a necktie.

But let's come back to the initial question. Why just neckties? Why not somthing else? Can we not find something more practical to wrap around our necks. Like, for example:

A Jedi sword. You never know when you might need one. OK, fine, probably not that often, plus they are very hard to get hold of. Why not then....

A lunch box! Maybe a bit too heavy... and, true, you don't need to eat all the time. But you must admit it is quite practical...

Here is my final solution:

A boa, a real boa...

Solution 3

2008-10-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am back! I lied to you. I didn't go time traveling. I was working. Since no one has contacted me regarding art commissions etc I was obliged to take on a seasonal job.

Dave Freeman the co-author of 100 things to do before you die (which included land-diving in the South Pacific, night nude surfing in Australia and running with bulls in Pamplona) sadly passed away less than two months ago. The irony he died after falling over in his house and hitting his head. Very sad.

Apparently in his book, he had included grape picking in France as being one of the 100 things to do before you die. I don't actually know if it is true because I haven't read the book, but in any case I object! Grape-picking is a nightmare, an awful experience and you should defenitely not feel that you should do it before you die. Or if you do it, do it as the 100th thing because you probably will die shortly afterwards. This is what my back looked like after the first day.

First of all it was raining all through day 1, 2 and 3. And I was wearing sandals (ok my own fault). But also you have have to share one room and one toilet with 20 other people, for 10 days. Finally you get paid peanuts, a sack of potatoes and a slap on the behind. My solution to this problem is :

and get an other job.

Invention 2

2008-09-12T02:55:00.000-07:00

The world in my eyes seems to have been running quite smoothly this past week and I haven't been able to pin point a specific problem. Therefore I have not been able to come up with any solutions either. Well there is one problem. I don't have enough time. So even when there is a problem I don't have time to come up with a solution. But with my new invention it won't be a problem anymore. Here is the invention number 2 .... A time machine. If you look closely I have set it to take me back to the year 1982. I wanted to be a witness of my own birth.

I am going to spend this week experimenting with it so it might be a while until my next post. I'll probably be back last week or in 10 years. Au revoir.

Invention 1

2008-09-06T02:12:00.000-07:00

My scanner works! All I needed to do was to plug it into the computer. They are tricky these things. Anyway here is my invention for the problem discussed earlier (August 23). It involved a shop assistant who makes life difficult by not understanding what you want. This is the solution I came up with.

Fiction disclaimer: Characters, character names, locations , situations, businesses, corporations etc... are all products of the illustrators imagination or are being used fictitiously. Any ressemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Scanner

2008-09-02T01:44:00.000-07:00

You have all probably been waiting for this absolutely wonderful solution that I was going to come up with. Unfortunately I have been subject to my own incompetence in making the scanner work. So you'll have to wait until my technician sorts it out for me. Meanwhile I'll post another very relevant illustration. I am not sure what it is but it has to do with polyatomic robots and the big bang. I was given a patent for it and am hoping to get it published in a school book or something. Maybe it will be printed in a research magazine. Maybe this has something to do with the cure for measles.

The world is unfair

2008-08-23T03:58:00.000-07:00

The world is a cruel place to live in. There are wars, famine, Ryanair check-in policy. The world is unfair. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting bigger and Kylie Minogue receives an OBE for her services to music. The world is also somewhat stupid. Why is there braille on an ATM key board when a blind person would probably not be able to read the screen anyway?
Every day is a constant battle. For example I walk into a shop and ask the expert " I am trying to get Internet at home, could you help me and maybe recommend an appropriate Internet server to match my needs?"
He says: " Yes, you have to look it up on the Internet"
Me: " eh... Well that's the thing, I don't have Internet, how do I choose..."
Him: "You have to look it up on the Internet!"
Me: "But.."
etc...
After years of struggling to make sense of it all, I have found it necessary to offer the intelligent Internet world another blog dedicated to silly things that happen around us. However being that I am an optimist and also very very clever, I have taken it upon myself to come up with some practical solutions that if applied will improve our quality of life. Hopefully you will put into practice some of the suggestions and together we can make the world a better place. So hold on to your hats, as next week I will come up with the perfect solution for the situation described above.